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Six ways you are over-using your strengths and keeping people in endless frustrating meetings
I'm giving you quite the provocation today - with full appreciation for how incredibly hard you work. It is your (completely understandable) over-functioning which is under the microscope, not your intentions.
The truth is, colluding with our own problems is inherent to the human state. There is no problem we have in which we are not somehow a participant. I think this is particularly prevalent in how we meet and collaborate. Let me show you what you and/or your leaders might be doing...
Collusion 1: You're going to all the meetings
What it looks like: You attend far more meetings than you need to. Teams wait to start until you arrive. People don't make decisions unless you're there.
Strength overused: You want to be supportive and avoid slowing things down.
The problem it creates: Teams learn that progress only counts if you are in the room. They invite you to everything. Decision speed slows and nobody grows confidence in their own judgement.
Ask yourself: "What meetings could I dare to miss in the next month and how can I provide support and direction in a way that helps people grow?"
What to say to a leader doing this: “You can give people more power by being clearer about when you truly need to be involved. Your team will move faster when they know you trust them to drive without you.”
Collusion 2: You're not being transparent about decision-making and ownership
What it looks like: You're not clear about what decision is being made, how and by whom. You change criteria from meeting to meeting. You talk about decisions as if they are shared, then make a private call later. Your requests can be vague and you don't make ownership super clear.
Strength overused: You want flexibility and space to think. You are trying to keep options open. You want people to feel engaged and consulted.
The problem it creates: People feel unclear so they respond by inviting more voices, creating more loops and seeking reassurance. Those at the meetings feel disengaged with these unclear decision processes or even betrayed when what they thought was a shared decision turns out not to be.
Ask yourself: “How can I make my decision process visible so people stop guessing?”
What to say to a leader doing this: “When you make the decision process clear upfront, we can help you decide faster and with better quality insights."
Collusion 3: You're not doing the prep (or engaging with the meeting design) because seniority gives you permission to skip it
What it looks like: You turn up without reading pre-reads. You ask questions already answered. You derail well-prepared agendas.
Strength overused: You have a huge workload. You trust your ability to think on your feet. And you just don't have time to respond to all the 'asks' when you don't think they are necessary.
The problem it creates: You signal that helpful norms are optional so others stop preparing too. The people who did prepare feel they wasted their time. Those trying to improve meetings stop bothering because others won't support it.
Ask yourself: “What standard do I want to set for the room by how I prepare and engage with this session?”
What to say to a leader doing this: “I'm trying to improve this meeting by asking people to [do this thing / behave this way]. When you model this, the whole team raises its standards and we start to establish new healthy, helpful norms. Can you help me by [doing this thing/ behaving this way]?"
Collusion 4: You're allowing too many priorities
What it looks like: You say yes to new work without removing older work. Every project is urgent. Every team feels stretched. Nothing ever feels finished.
Strength overused: You are ambitious and you want to seize opportunities. You want to avoid disappointing people and you hope the team can push through.
The problem it creates: Teams scramble and spend more time realigning than progressing. Meetings become triage sessions. Important work gets diluted.
Ask yourself: “What am I willing to pause so the most important work can move?”
What to say to a leader doing this: “Your team will produce better results if the priorities are sharper. Saying no to one thing means saying yes to real progress elsewhere.”
Collusion 5: You say you want people to challenge but you're not listening to them
What it looks like: You invite people to share their thoughts or challenge you, then jump in before they finish. You finish their sentences or take a defensive position. You steer the answer toward what you already think.
Strength overused: You have a clear idea of where you want to take this and want to help people get to the point faster. You believe you are keeping things efficient by not going down rabbit holes.
The problem it creates: People stop contributing. You get filtered or softened versions of the truth. Teams rely on you for every viewpoint because you make it hard for them to speak.
Ask yourself: “How can I truly use my attention to help people think and contribute?”
What to say to a leader doing this: “Your team will give you much higher quality insights when they feel you will genuinely hear them. Let people finish, pause for a moment, and then respond. You will be surprised by what you hear if you do this over time”
Collusion 6: You're shuttling* information instead of connecting people
*with huge thanks to the brilliant Lucy Chambers for coining this term and helping us understand this phenomenon!
What it looks like: Teams talk to you instead of to each other. You pass messages back and forth. You become the channel, the gatekeeper, and the bottleneck.
Strength overused: You want to be helpful and to avoid conflict or overload between teams.
The problem it creates: Information loses clarity as it passes through you. You become a bottleneck. Teams do not build the relationships they need.
Ask yourself: “Who can I connect together to speak directly and support a strong relationship?”
What to say to a leader doing this: “You free your own time and strengthen the organisation when you help teams form direct ties. They become more capable and the whole organisation becomes more resilient.”
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With my best wishes as always 👋