49 everyday things that break psychological safety (from my own personal fail list)

Here are 49 things I used to do as a go-getting entrepreneur in the 2000s, not realising that they made my team feel unsafe. Are you falling into any of these traps?

 

Can we just agree for now that psychological safety is being able to:

- Work productively without excessive stress and anxiety

- Challenge and disagree around things that matter

- Contribute confidently from your whole range of relevant skills and experiences

All good things. 

Psychological safety is created and destroyed, not just by the big things (like how bad news is communicated) but by the ocean of small things people hear and experience every day. 

|  If you are more senior, more respected or paid more (or any combination of these) then it’s your words and actions that will determine other people's psychological safety.

The problem is, as I have learned the hard way over many years, many of these words and actions are unconscious. Not considered or thought through. And as someone who is all action, I can tell you, there is a real blindspot for me around safety. I want to create it but I have unknowingly undermined it, so many times.

This is essentially about putting a drive for action consistently or unhelpfully ahead of a drive to collaborate. 

 

49 things I don't do try really hard not to do any more

Here are 49 things I would have done in the 2000s without really realising the impact and which I have spent the subsequent 15 years VERY consciously doing less of.

I’m very happy to forgo my own psychological safety by sharing them! 

 

Have you ever (like me)...

1. Been super quick to jump in meetings to add an opinion, believing it would keep the meeting on track. (AKA listening to respond)

2. Put a meeting in with someone less senior/paid less for tomorrow marked ‘catch up’ and with no further explanation.

3. Helpfully critiqued someone’s work in front of others, trying to model open and transparent feedback but actually making everyone jumpy.

4. Set a tight deadline to get people energised, but instead created stress and worry.

5. Delegated things without providing clear parameters, thinking it’s empowering and then later clarified that it actually needs doing a particular way or that there were constraints they needed to know about.

6. Explained something to a leader in a meeting in a completely different way than you did the previous meeting with just the team.

7. Reacted to senior (or client) feedback by changing project requirements multiple times without properly consulting the team, causing frustration and wasted effort through constantly adjusting work.

8. Given last-minute tasks for things that are ‘suddenly important’ (often sent down the line from a leader or a client), forcing people to scramble and fail to deliver the thing they had originally earmarked that time for.

9. Packed meeting agendas too full so there literally isn't time to have a safe, considered conversation which everyone can contribute to.

10. Communicated team norms but then not followed them yourself.

11. Not properly listened to people’s concerns when there are no easy ways to address them and instead kind of implied that someone is not being a team player by raising them.

12. Turned a meeting with 3+ people essentially a 2-way conversation where two people bouncing off each other which feels energising and ‘sparky’ but no one else can find a space to speak. The longer it goes on, the harder it is for them to break into the ping-pong. At the end of the meeting, thought ‘oops!’ and said ‘is everyone ok with what we’ve discussed?’ which is obviously too little too late.

13. Not given feedback on how people are doing, and assuming people will feel no news is good news but instead leaving people uncertain about whether they are on track or not.

14. Verbally agreed to do something small for someone (that matters to them) and then not written it down and forgotten to do it.

15. Not given people enough time and information to think about and prepare for a change that’s coming.

16. Talked that bit too openly about how another colleague is doing, inviting the question ‘is she also talking about me like this with others?’

17. Given more airtime and weight to the voices of people who are also go-getting, quick to speak up and not had the patience and made the time to draw out people who think and express themselves differently.

18. Sent emails and DMs after hours, assuming people will just filter them out, but instead created a load of question marks for people during their downtime.

19. Allowed a sudden change in energy in a meeting when someone says something, from positive to confrontational, and not buffered it so the person feels suddenly exposed.

20. Missed people off the cc in emails or failed to tag them in group chat on things that are clearly in their wheelhouse but who have kind of dropped off list of 'who matters'.

21. Encouraged people to take on more than they can realistically handle, seeing it as a it's a sign of trust (and if I can manage too much, other people can too).

22. Defended any challenging questions so people feel less comfortable asking this type of question in the future.

23. Asked follow up questions of some people more often than others in a meeting.

24. Not provided necessary resources whether that’s enough time to do a proper job or enough team members or the right information, assuming they’ll find a way to manage with what's available.

25. Always been the person who summarises the point, the meeting, whatever and therefore having last word and cementing the frame though which something is viewed going forward.

26. Felt frustrated when people made a mistake or didn't do something they said they would and rather than addressing it fairly and openly, laid it subtly at their doorstep for example starting to use ‘you’ rather than ‘we’ in a discussion.

27. Not acknowledged extra effort, assuming it's part of the job.

28. Ignored emails or messages from your team leaving people unsure how to move forward.

29. Cancelled one-on-one meetings - regularly or last minute or without explanation.

30. Peppered people with questions on opinions they share that are outside the norm.

31. Not involved people in decisions that affect their work or goal, in the interests of time.

32. Cast doubt on some ideas early on to save time going down rabbit holes.

33. Assigned tasks outside people’s skill set without support, assuming they should be able to figure it out.

34. When a team member answers a question in a meeting, waiting til they’ve finished and then offering further clarification (your own ‘better’ answer) or repeating the same point in your own words.

35. Expected people to cover for others without properly discussing capacity.

36. Delegated what is really your own responsibility to others, blurring role boundaries and overloading people.

37. Implied that someone’s leave or the specific timing of it is inconvenient.

38. Allowed problematic behaviour in the team to go unaddressed, in the hope that it will resolve itself.

39. Expected quick responses to emails, believing it's efficient but actually interrupting people’s flow and productivity and making them jumpy (see also #3)

40. Not provided enough role-specific training or the time to complete training that is available so people feel overwhelmed and out of their depth.

41. Or given people a lot of tasks they are overqualified for, undermining their role.

42. Asked people a lot of questions about themselves but never disclosing anything meaningful in return.

43. Or talked about yourself and your experiences with no meaningful interest in other people’s. 

44. Scheduled meetings at times that are likely to be borderline inconvenient for people but there’s no other time, so what can you do?

45. Failed to stop people interrupting a team member’s presentation, breaking their space to deliver the content they had planned.

46. Not set clear priorities because ‘it’s all important!’ and not pushed back on clients or senior leaders when needed.

47. Unmade decisions made in a meeting, outside the meeting.

48. Assumed work was everyone’s top priority.

49. Given effusive warm encouragement, in the spirit of positive psychology, but then later explained that yes there actually was an issue with the work, project or presentation.

 

When I got to 49 I realised there were at least 6 more!

50. Made or accepted small but important changes to a project and then not thought to properly communicate these so people find out by chance when they are trying to present something in a meeting.

51. Backed your team 100% when meetings with just them but only 80% when a client/senior leader is present.

52. Let your body language or tone of voice send 'open' signals to some people when they share their opinions and 'closed' to others.

53. Talked in heteronormative terms all the time or played up heteronorms, for example referring to people's husbands/wives, how we all have kids, how annoying it is having an extension done on your house, assuming everyone has gone to university, complaining about your weight when you have a normal BMI.

54. Offered people advice or immediately relayed an experience of your own when they reflect on something in their own life.

55. Asked people for their questions or views in a meeting and then batted each one back. 

 

I know some of you will be reading this thinking - "that's just poor leadership. You don't need to bend over backwards to create psychological safety - you just need to be a decent human and a half decent leader!"

And I get that. You're right. Good leaders are excellent creators of psychologically safe teams. I wasn't and I suspect it doesn't come naturally to other people with real 'driver' characteristics too.

Some others of you will be thinking - these aren't issues about safety, they're just irritating! And that's true - some people never feel unsafe. If that's you, congratulations on winning the lottery! It's true that some people are more easily triggered than others (99% not their fault, BTW).

But I guarantee that for most people, what is irritating from a peer, is somewhere between unsettling and threatening if you regularly experience if with someone more powerful than you.