Seven phrases I use all the time in meetings

We talk in meetings every single day. And still, when things are a bit off track, it's not always easy to know quite what to say in the moment.

 

Here are seven go-to phrases I use all the time to shape and sharpen everyday meetings.

 

First, let me be clear. Parroting the same phrases over and over is not what this is about! Nor am I suggesting you copy-and-paste my phrases verbatim in to your meeting vocab. I just want to lift the lid on some phrases I use a lot and have honed over time. There might be some you can use, some you might adapt and some that spark a completely different idea.

As with all my techniques, intention and tone are everything.

My intention is always to act in service of the group and the goals it cares about.

My tone (a lifelong work in progress!) is low in judgment, high in care and incisive.

 

 

"What's the most valuable thing we can do today?"

Variations:

What's the best use of our time today?

Why I say this:

I want us to agree together right up front how we'd like to use this time
I'm interested in refreshing the agenda based on what people need, here and now
I want everyone to speak at the start of the session
"Our" encourages us to think pro-socially and sets the scene that all our time is valuable.

 

 

"Let's acknowledge that..."

Variations:

The elephant in the room is...

What's off the table is...

Why I say this:

To get what people are too worried to say, out into the room
To encourage people to spot and accept paradoxes - and make progress anyway
Sometimes that there are competing views/priorities in the room etc and that's ok
To lessen the power of difficult emotions by giving them voice and validating them

Basically, I want to un-fuse people from frustrating but unchangeable things. If I we can't un-fuse, we'll never move forward. Those unsaid things will make their voice heard indirectly by keeping us in unhelpful patterns.

"It's important that we disagree today. But we're going to disagree really well :-)"

Variations:

This is a disagreeing project :-)

 

Why I say this:

I want to encourage healthy conflict - it's normal, it's important!
I want people to understand it's expected and encouraged that they will have different opinions
And I want to set some boundaries around how we disagree.

 

"We said we would..."

Variations:

We have about 20mins left. We've done X but we haven't yet done Y.

Why I say this:

I'm prompting with information, reminding the group what we had agreed to do at the start.
I try not to frame it as a question and simply leave it an observation so I'm not taking the lead.
I simply want to redirect the group's focus so everyone can decide what they'd like to do next.

To do this, I use my tone as neutrally as possible.

 

 

 

"What's in scope today is... But X is out of scope"

Variations:

X is on the table today but Y is not.

Why I say this:

I find people are quickly side tracked by related things they think should be different but aren't. This phrase helps refocus the conversation from things we can't control to things we can.
I don't want to waste time and energy today talking about things that are important... but for another conversation.
I want to help people self-moderate by making boundaries clear.

 

"Ash, can you describe the criteria you think we should be using to make this decision? Feel free to go all out on detail."

(OK, so this isn't really a phrase! I use this type of wording when I know someone has some unspoken frustrations and/or they feel they are not being heard.)

Variations:

What must we absolutely understand / consider as we look at this issue? Feel free to give us lots of detail.

Why I say this:

I want to diffuse frustration and other negative energies that harm our ability to work together
But I want to surface the positive intention and useful data so we can use it
So I open the door to the detail - but refocus the person on the facts we can use

 

"Is there anything you thought we would / should cover but we didn't?"

Variations:

What questions remain for you?

Why I say this:

I want to encourage people to trust their judgement. If they thought it mattered, I want to hear it. I don't want them to feel that just because no one else raised it that it must have been irrelevant.
I want to catch things we've missed!

I'm always tempted not to ask this because it's a 'can of worms' question. Uh-oh, there's something huge and now there's no time for it!

So I see it as a car park question and I follow up with something like: "What bucket should that go into?" or "What's the best place to tackle that?"

 

Any use? What are your go to phrases? I would love to hear... (tell me on LinkedIn)